When I first became a mom I wanted to do everything right. Sunscreen always applied, no T.V. at all until they are over two (I know it is crazy, but I actually made Trevor mute the T.V. if Isaiah was in the room so he couldn’t hear it), healthy foods only, constantly reading to them (I actually would chase Isaiah around the house with books when he refused to sit, so he would get the language), giving them 110% of myself always, no exceptions. There were times when I failed. After trying and trying to breastfeed Isaiah, because that is the right way to do it (or so I thought), I beat myself up when it didn’t work. “Your child is not gaining weight, you do not have any breast milk, you need to feed him formula,” my doctor told me at Isaiah’s 6 week check. That was the first of many things that did not go my way in parenting and I truly grieved over it. I made sure to tell everyone, “My doctor pretty much forced me to use formula with Isaiah.” or “I tried for 7 weeks, but even my lactation consultant told me there was nothing else she could do.” Of course both of these things were true, but I felt as though I had to justify myself. When I made a mistake I had such a hard time forgiving myself. I would beat myself up until I truly believed I was not a very good mom. This went on for several years, constantly praying that God would release me from this guilt of not being perfect. When we moved to Aurora, IL. two years ago God finally released me. As my relationship with Him grew deeper, it enabled me to trust Him more with two of the most important things in my life (besides Trevor of course!). Not that I do not have those moments sometimes still, but all in all I am so thankful that He has given me the ability to trust Him, not myself with the safety and wellbeing of my children.