Selfish with my Kids
Now with both kids in school some, I am missing them so much. It is hard to go from getting all day every day with them, to now seeing (Isaiah) some days for only 4-5 hours. I don’t like it. My time with Ayla seems short too, since the afternoon tends to go quite quickly. This has caused me to be selfish with my kids and my time with them. The things I used to be okay with like, going to a church meeting at night, going out to coffee with my mom friends, or letting the kids have special Daddy time, I am not okay with. It is hard to give up more of my time with them. I have become extremely selfish with my time with them.
Isaiah got invited to go on a special birthday trip with a friend this weekend, go to play mini golf and out for ice cream. The family would pick him up and return him when they were done. He, of course, wanted to go. I didn’t want to give up more of the time with him. Being a parent is not easy, but one of the hardest things for me, is doing what is best for my kids even if it is really hard for me. I let Isaiah go to the birthday celebration and I am glad he got to go. He had a great time with a good friend of his.
Ayla got invited to her first playdate at a friend’s house on her day off. Again, I had to wrestle with the feeling that I didn’t want to give up that time with her. I am praying that God will allow me to let go and not miss my kids so much, as it truly has been so hard for me. I know that I need God to continue to transform me so that I can be the Mom Isaiah and Ayla need me to be. I look forward to seeing how God refines me through this process.