Letting Go
Today my son started preschool, sigh. I have been dreading this for the last year as I knew this time was approaching. I did everything in my power to find the perfect preschool for him. We visiting more than 10 preschools, called at least another 30, asked other moms I respected and finally I found it. The perfect one! Then surprise we are moving to Denver and I have about 3 weeks to find another perfect preschool, that is halfway across the country, not to mention that most of them would be filled by this time. Maybe I will homeschool him for preschool. It is perfect in my mind, since now I can postpone the letting go for another year! Hip hip hooray! Then as we tell our children about our new, exciting, great move, Isaiah asks me if he still gets to go to preschool. “Of course!” I say a little too cheery, not a problem, I will find it! I began my search again looking way to late into the night on the computer, asking my friends in Denver to help me out, and calling preschools. With way less time I found one I am okay with. I am seeking to trust God with Isaiah. That has been hard for me. Allowing someone else to shape his thinking and actions is hard. Will he get lost when he goes to the bathroom? Will other kids be mean to him? Can he survive without me?! Does he need me anymore? Those thoughts sound crazy, but when you have been the main source of support and attention for the past 4 years it hurts. I hardly slept last night anxiously awaiting this morning. God’s goodness and grace came through once again. Isaiah had wonderful first day. He got to ride on the pink, yes pink, monster bike, have apple juice and graham crackers, and wear his new Cars backpack. Ayla was able to distract me from the sadness I was feeling, and we had great “lady time” together playing beauty shop. I praise God for his faithfulness, not only to me, but to my cars crazy, bike riding, bundle of energy of a boy, Isaiah.
Posted on September 9, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged my thoughts. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.
Always Growing 
Letting go can be the hardest part of being a parent but when they come back they have a very exciting look to see you and it makes you feel great. He will have a great time and he will teach you new things.
Thank you so much, Michelle, for putting my exact feelings down in words! Shaun started preschool this week and I had the same fears and worries as you did. And I’m glad to hear that you had them, too, because I was starting to feel abnormal in my feelings because so many people told me I should be HAPPY that he was going to school and “getting out of my hair”. I teared up heavily after I left him in the classroom on the first day and one mom there actually said to me …in a shocked voice…”Are you SAD about this?!” I’ve never understood how some moms are so happy to be without their kids. I know we all need a break from being mommy now and then. But I’m still not “happy” when I’m away from Shaun. So I am glad I wasn’t alone in my sadness on the first day of preschool. And I thank you, again, for your great blog entry! Hope things are going well with all of you in your new home!